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Friday, June 10, 2005

How the World Will End (and begin again)

So now there is a bacteria that will eat toxic waste and fart electricity? That's it! THE WORLD IS SAVED. There is nothing to worry about now. What could possibly go wrong?

As usual with a news story of this sort there are so many unanswered questions. But that never stopped anybody from jumping to conclusions. So I predict that it will spawn consumer products that purposefully produce toxic waste so people will have a ready supply of power for their major appliances, their green cars, their cellphones and iPods and computers and electric toothbrushes and bodywax melters and those little hotplates that they sell now to heat your scented candles so you don't actually have to burn them. What, you don't have one of those yet? Get with it.

I wonder what this bacteria considers toxic waste. Would fast food scraps and plain old garbage be included? All our recyclables? Our Styrofoam packaging? Kitty litter? Tampons? Our used car parts? Construction debris? Campaign posters? Disgraced politicians? Pedophiles? TV Evangelists? Horrific sitcoms? Where does it end? Are these suckers gonna eat everything and let off one enormous intergalactic fart?

THE BIG BANG! That's what caused it!

Amazing how you can answer the questions of the universe in a few short paragraphs and an active imagination, huh? Scripture in the making, baby.

But as is always my reason for posting, is there a song here? Not the style of song I prefer to write if we stay to these basic, uh, facts. Don't look for any lyrics today but I know how I'd approach this. Pat Pattison has excellent advice in his book Writing Better Lyrics. You can click the box for it below and right if you're into any kind of writing. I'll put you in my gift certificate drawing if you do. Just let me know. Details are on June 6 below.

I would have to pretend that the scenario I just imagined above is actually a sci-fi flick and I've been asked to write a song for it. I'd pick a theme. Let's say it's the concept of power from useful things becomes deadly dangerous. I'd start with that on a very useful worksheet Pattison offers and go from there. You may see a lyric on that eventually. But not today. I have to scout around for some toxic waste. The batteries in my guitars are wearing out way too fast.

posted by Bud @ 6:05 AM

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