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Saturday, October 08, 2005

Rapture or Rupture?

Redtide in Florida Back in August I was alarmed about environmental concerns and wrote a song called Swim Away. It is an acknowledged fact that red tide in the Gulf of Mexico is so bad it is killing everything and tourists are starting to catch on. The booming housing market will most likely collapse. It is an officially unacknowledged (read Jeb Bush is riding out his term) but obvious supposition that red tide is caused by the the results of over development, over fertilization by home owners and farms and the phosphate mines. It is an observable past experience that as long as certain styles of government can make the argument that there is money to be made, nothing will get done to stop it.

It is hysterically ironic that the party in power got there by pandering to religious fundamentalists who among other things, preach that we are in the final days. They are preparing for the rapture. They want you to prepare by following their beliefs. Help follows. Hang in there.

I'm not taking any official public position on all this. I'm just pointing out some interesting occurrences. If there is any cause and effect here, well I might get a song out of it. If it's all total alarmist nonsense, well I can still get a song out of it. Hell, dumber songs have been hits.

snot Okay so Florida has to worry about red tide and now my friend D-Man in New Zealand has to worry about rock snot. Canadian rock snot, no less. When the Canadians can be blamed for something, surely the end is near.

crack squirrel The English are now concerned with the possible emergence of crack squirrels. I didn't know that was already a problem in some of our cities. I hope to Christ the fire ants and alligators don't get into that stuff here in Florida. We already have to worry about foreign pythons attacking everything in sight. Maybe they're on crack!

earthquake Some Swedish scientists claim they can retroactively predict earthquakes. Earth shattering hindsight, so to speak. It seems the only way they can tell if the method will accurately predict future earthquakes is if they get a lot more data. That is, a lot more earthquakes. I can hear a chorus of "I Knew that!" in Swedish.

But there is some encouraging news. It seems some scientists is Massachusetts have discovered a cure for food poisoning found in seafood. It's a combo of oregano and cranberry. I dislike fish enough already to never try THAT combination but it does point to other possibilities. Maybe all the aforementioned calamities can be cured with odd combinations of herbs and various foods. We could all forgive anybody seen applying generous portions of peanut butter and haggis to try to kill off the New Zealand rock snot. Maybe the cure for woodland animal crack addiction is something as simple as fish and chips and Metamucil. Maybe the Swedes will get enough earthquake data if they monitor the intestinal tremors of people who try that concoction.

Rapture Readiness If all else fails there is at least a way to prepare for the end and the rapture. Even a way to escape getting trampled if you aren't saved during the rapture. See there's an answer to everything.

posted by Bud @ 5:00 AM

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