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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

What I Sorta Have In Common With Dubya

I see president Bush got maneuvered into sampling Mongolian fermented mare's milk. So it's official now, he's off the wagon. Maybe that's why he announced that the US is Mongolia's third neighbor. I believe China, Korea and Russia are one, two and three but I'm not gonna second guess a guy who's on fermented mare's milk. No Mongoloid jokes, please. I'm only mentioning this because I thought I was the only one I know who ever got that close to mare's milk. I didn't ferment and drink it and proclaim that New York was third neighbor to Bermuda or anything. But I did milk a mare once. It's a long but amusing story. I'll capsulize. You'll like it.

My friend, whose name I will withhold wanted to wean her mare from her foal. I offered my barn. The mare became nervous and congested and her udders looked explosive. You can never find a maternity bra for a mare when you need one. My friend called the vet from the barn. Remember Mr. Ed? He had a phone in the barn too. But I digress. After some medical chit chat, my friend, who is a rather attractive lady, hung up and said to me. "Can you pull tits?" I'm trying to decide if this is a trick question. I'm trying to decide how we go from veterinary medicine to some weird twist on the farmer's daughter joke. I'm trying to slap my mind. I'm trying to form a response of some kind, any kind that will keep me out of trouble. She broke into my thoughts with, "The vet says we have to milk her. Can you do that?"
"Of course," I said. Like it was just another day at Bud's Mare Milk Dairy. Where our motto is, "You Ride 'em, We Milk 'em!"
I guess it was easy. Put me around mammary glands and I just know what to do. The mare was relieved and, I might add, quite satisfied. There was no thought to fermenting or drinking the milk. It was unceremoniously tossed into the barn yard. Later that chilly night it was undoubtedly lapped up like Dairy Queen by field mice.

I know I hinted that I might be trying to develop some funny lyrics but mare's milking can only be of the Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer sort of thing. I have to draw the line someplace. And I draw the line at banal, mindless country tunes of that particular ilk.

If you've been reading me for a while I bet you're dying to point out that I'm the guy that wrote a lyrics on Sea Snot which only Becky can recall. I have no copy of it anywhere.
But here's a lyric about looking up skirts.
Or how about one on Squid Sex.
A lyric about colonoscopies get's searched a LOT!
The Joys of living in a gated community.
A lyric about fish escaping red tide.
Then there is the ever popular The Naked Tickler.
Self immolation is always a favorite subject when it has to do with love.

That's just a smattering of wackiness from my last 100 Blogs. You can vote for your favorite goofy lyric if you'd like. Or not. I may develop some music for your favs.

posted by Bud @ 5:05 AM

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