Sunday, February 05, 2006
Asshat "Musicians" and Asshats at ASCAP
You know how you feel when you get to work and discover somebody's taken a dump on you? You can either work in a state of depression, or anger, screwing up your output or you can draw inspiration. Shower off the ickiness and feel rejuvinated. You know I choose the latter. My Altheas's dinner gig is fun for different reasons than some of my other gigs. This steady twice a week work in it's third season demands I pay attention to my "audience." I use the quotes because they are primarily there to eat or to wait to eat. So I work over a lot of chewing and conversation and order taking. You don't ever want to play louder than the order taking. It can really screw up a person's dinner and therefor a waitress's tip. Don't ever piss off a waitress. They have access to sharp objects, things that burn. And they have the ability to turn a crowd in your favor. Or not.So a I'm setting up at Altheas's. Greg, the owner calls me over and tells me the following story. "I'm in here during the day, which I never do, and I'm fixing the air conditioner. This waitress finds me and says there's a musician who wants to talk to me. I tell her I'm busy. She says that the guy claims he is 'Way better than Bud Buckley even thinks he is,' and that he wants to play for you now. So I told her to tell the asshole that Bud is a personal friend of mine and he can get the fuck out of here." I would censor this for the young'ns but it would violate the spirit that is Greg.
Greg didn't bother to get the guy's name. I was shocked that another musician would resort to something like that. My memory, such as it is, did a quick inventory of musicians who I may have pissed off. Nothing came up. This made me a little paranoid at first. I thanked Greg for having my back and reminded myself that this is why I give him an extra half hour and play every "Third Thursday Stroll" for free, even though he doesn't belong to the civic group who sponsors it.
The incident inspired me to be at my best, even when it's easy to just be background music and ignore everybody. I had my best tipping night there in three years and sold a CD without even mentioning that I had one. There's a lesson there.
I've written before about the generosity and camaraderie of musicians. At least those at my level. We are indies. We play small venues and sleep in more modest accommodations where we would never trash the hotel suite. Our groupies tend to be family members and close friends. We often willingly share our stage when we notice another musician in the room. We say nice things about each other publicly and privately. And we mean it. The few musicians I don't care for, I keep quiet about. When I hear a non-musician dis a player, even if the criticism is legitimate, I find something nice to say. That's just the way it works. That's the way it should always work.
Last night at my Bella Luna gig I discovered that the kid who dissed me at Althea's was making the rounds with his guitar and asking to perform for owners. During their rush hour. Brilliant. His name is Mike. I don't know him. I will find him. He tried at Bell Luna but it was the rush hour there too. The kid is a rocket scientist. I told Deja about it and she said the guy was real annoying and that she would advise her father NOT to hire him. So the good news is he's not a professional. He's a total jerk. I was concerned it might have been somebody I know that I'd have to confront. Actually I still want to confront him. He's giving us a bad name. I don't care if he can play and sing his ass off.
Saturday's Bella Luna gig was fun as usual. Not a big crowd the night before Super Bowl but people were tipping well. I did an Elvis's Don't Be Cruel for the first time on request. I did it slowed down and soulful. No hippage, though. It was very well received. The second half of the evening was all my own material. This was because a stranger appeared at the bar and began looking in my direction and writing. Cathy picked up on it immediately and thought "ASCAP spy." These parasites report you to ASCAP if the venue isn't paying ASCAP dues. Small venues with music a night or two a week cannot afford ASCAP dues. I wrote a diatribe about that here months ago. Cathy told me instantly and I switched to my own stuff and stayed there even after it was determined he was writing a letter to his son. So I got to play a lot of stuff I haven't done in a while or at all for that matter. I wasn't backing off of it once I got started. My practice is to sprinkle my stuff in when there are a lot of people in the room who only know or care about the oldies. That is, OLD people. So this was fun and I got to tell some back story. An ASCAP raid wouldn't bother me or the places I work since I can play my own stuff all night and so can all the other singer/songwriters who work those places. We'd just have to put a sign up that says "original material only" and stick to it.
Emily, who is rapidly becoming my favorite waitress, afterward demonstrated her new sign language for "ASCAP in the HOUSE or NOT." It involved a provocative gesture toward her own ass and an adjusting of her cap, followed by either a double armed wiping out gesture for NOT or a vigorous nod for IN THE HOUSE. Gotta love Emily. She does a very nice bit on my promotional video which should be edited in the next couple of weeks. Deja is just my favorite person who works in a venue. She is more management so she's in a different category even though she is an amazing waitress as well, who always remembers what the regulars like.
Cathy took a ton of shots last night to try to capture my new look. I had a full beard for my entire adult life. Cathy and our hair dude, Bill, cajoled and wore me down so that I shaved it down to a goatee. NOBODY noticed. So now I'm shaving and hating it. For no apparent reason other than to please Cathy. But that, of course, is good enough. A little facial hair is nothing. I'd give her an organ or a limb if she asked.
posted by Bud @ 10:14 AM
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